I've Loved You Forever
by planet oc
Summary: When an accident turns everyone's lives around, can they ever go back to the way it used to be? This is my first O.C. fic.
1. The Before

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C.  If I did... it would be heaven

Summary: When an accident turns everyone's lives around, can they ever go back to the way it used to be?

Chapter One: The Before

Marissa Cooper's dark house stood looming in front of her, beckoning for her to come inside. Not a single light was turned on, except for the cracked porch light that couldn't be turned off. In the moonlight, it looked even larger than it was. The white wraparoundporch was now encompassed in black light. The columns that were white and spectacular during the day's sunlight now looked black and gothic and seemed to rise up out of the ground. The high Victorian towers glinted in the moonlight and she could make out every window that, now, more than ever, seemed dark and uninviting.

She walked up the driveway, her black Converse soles clicking on the pavement. She could tell by the look of the house that no one was home, but that didn't surprise her. No one was ever home. Her mother was always at work, hitting it up with the big shots and going to her after-work party specials at her favorite bar with her favorite slew of friends. And Caleb. Marissa hated Caleb. It was because of him that she had to live with her mother and not her father. Actually she hadn't come into any contact with her dad in over a month. That was all it took for her life to spiral completely out of control. The one person she loved more than anything in the world had left her. Alone. And alone was a harsh word to Marissa Cooper, who had always been anything but. A lone tear fell down her cheek and she swiped fiercely at it.

Ryan... 

A year ago, Marissa had the biggest shock of her entire life.  And his name was Ryan Atwood. He was from Chino, the wrong side of the tracks.  But that didn't keep her from falling in love with him.  He lived with the Cohen's, their son Seth, Ryan's best friend, having an eye for her best friend, Summer.  For awhile, it was the four of them.  Perfect.  Then Oliver came and screwed everything up.  He made her and Ryan break up, causing Ryan to visit his old friend Theresa and, as Seth liked to say, "work on the mechanics".  Then, Oliver was forgotten and Ryan and Marissa were back together.  For about five seconds.  Then Theresa came back and announced to everyone that she was pregnant and her fiance, Eddie, might not be the father.  After Ryan left at the beginning of summer, and Seth left to Tahiti because he couldn't live there without him, Marissa and Summer's world came crashing down around them.  Now it was almost Christmas and...

A sudden harsh ring jarred her out of her thoughts.  She flipped open her phone. 

"Hey Sum," she said tiredly.

"Hey Coop," Summer said, just as tiredly.  

"Where are you?" Marissa asked, music and screams coming through the other side of the phone.

"Oh, well, that's kinda why I called you."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah I just can't be here now.  It's too depressing.  Can you come get me?  I'm at Zach's."

"Zach? I thought you didn't like him anymore."

"I don't.  I just... I don't know.  I just want to go home." Summer was sounding panicked now.

"Okay, Sum.  I'll be there in a second."

The phone clicked and Marissa flipped her's closed.  She almost turned to get back in her car, but thought better of it and ran into the house, the smell of the Christmas tree overpowering.  She ran up to her room and slammed the door shut as she bent down to reach under her bed.  She pulled out a safe and twisted the lock until she heard it click. She opened it up and pulled out a bottle.  Quickly spinning the top off, she put it to her lightly glossed lips and drank, feeling the searing liquid pouring down her throat.  She grimaced and began to put the top back on.  It was then that she noticed a picture lying facedown on the floor.  She picked it up curiously and gasped as she turned it over.  Tears welled up in her eyes as she opened the half-full bottle up again and drank until none was left.  Marissa stuffed the picture in her pocket and threw the bottle against the wall.  As it crashed, the front door slammed. 

She turned on the radio, tapping her fingers to the beat of the rock song booming loudly over the speakers.  The song came to a stop at the same time she stopped at a red light.  An enthusiastic man came over the speakers, speaking gleefully, "Only 20 more days until Christmas, everybody! Do you know what Santa's got in store for you?"  Groaning, she switched off the dial and sat in silence. 

Marissa parked in the crowded driveway and walked up to the huge house.  She walked in the door and spotted Summer.  Summer, trying to appear casual, walked over to her.

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

They were about to walk out the door unnoticed when Zach walked up.  Marissa could tell by his swagger that he was already wasted.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his words slurring together.

"I was taking Summer home.  She was kinda tired." Summer nodded in agreement.  Marissa quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her out to the car before Zach could say anything else. She had a feeling Summer's phone call wasn't just because she wanted to go home.  They sat in silence, Marissa too afraid to ask if Zach had done anything.  She had almost told her once that he had, but backed out.  Marissa turned a curve and watched as lights that were supposed to be on the other side of the road came over to her side.  She tried to swerve, but could only scream along with Summer as the car crashed into them.

"Man, I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they see us.  They are going to be so happy!" A dark curly-haired boy with a striped collared shirt, black pants and Converses made his deep brown eyes sparkle as he jumped around in his seat.

"Seth, calm down." Another boy sat on the other side.  He had sandy blonde hair that almost fell to his deep sapphire eyes. He pulled his black button down shirt up, and adjusted the belt on his dark jeans while trying to watch the road.  "They're probably not going to be that happy."

"Yeah, I guess you're right, Ryan." 

"Well, actually Marissa is probably going to be happy.  Summer... not so much."

"Thanks man, that really boosts my confidence."

Ryan smiled at him.  He then sighed.  "I'm just happy to be going home."  Seth smiled at this. 

"Me too."  Seth's smile then fell.  He glanced over at Ryan.

"Look Ryan, I'm really sorry about Theresa..."

"It's okay Seth. Really." Ryan didn't really feel like talking about that. Earlier that day, he had gone to visit Seth.  Theresa had called him at Luke's, where Seth was staying, telling him that she had lost the baby.  That was the reason why they were driving back to Newport at this ungodly hour of night. 

They sat in silence until red lights covered them like a blanket. 

"What the hell is going on there?" Seth said, angry the sirens had woken his from his light nap.

Ryan squinted.  When he located the car, his eyes grew huge. 

Seth followed his gaze, his eyes widening. 

"Dude, is that Marissa's car?" Seth looked at Ryan, who had gone a deathly shade of white.  He threw open the door and ran toward the scene, with Seth at his heels.  They stopped then, a familiar face standing in front of them. 

"Summer!" they both screamed. The brunette turned and saw them.  Forgetting all of her hate for Seth Cohen, she ran at them and threw herself in his arms.  

"Cohen!  What are you doing here?"

"Well, uh, right now that isn't the point.  Where's Marissa?"  He looked at Ryan who was looking straight in front of him, the ghost look still there.  Seth looked and saw her lying on a gurney, scratches and blood covering her beautiful face.  They wheeled her up into the ambulance and closed the doors, speeding off in the direction of the hospital.  Seth looked at Ryan.

"Come on, let's follow them." he said, quietly, shaking Ryan's shoulder.  Ryan turned slowly and walked toward the driver's side door.  Seth ran after him.

"Nah, I really don't think I want you driving."  Ryan didn't say anything, but instead handed Seth the keys and got in the backseat.  It was then that Seth got a good look at Summer, who had a huge gash on her forehead.

"God, Summer, you're bleeding."  he said softly, walking over to her.  He wiped a smudge from her face.  It was then that she started to cry and she cried on Seth's shoulder for the rest of the ride to the hospital. 


	2. I Love You, I Hate You

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C. :-(

Chapter Two: I Love You, I Hate You

"Excuse me, but I think that I have a right as Marissa's mother to know what the hell is going on!"

Julie Cooper, a woman with short red hair and green eyes, screamed at the nurse. The nurse looked at her and walked out the door. Julie, wearing a black long-sleeved dress that came down to her knees, stuck her head around the door.

"Can't you hear me? I _know _you can hear me!" She began to pace around the front of the nurses station and finally threw up her hands in disgust. She walked into the waiting area and was about to sit down when she saw who was in there sleeping.

"Oh my God."

Summer was resting her head on Seth's shoulder, her cut bandaged and her tears gone. They were both sleeping. But it wasn't them who stirred up hatred in Julie's heart.

"You sonofabitch," she whispered. Ryan was sitting on the couch next to Seth and was trying to read a magazine. He looked up when he heard something and saw her. His eyes grew dark.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked, her icy tone growing colder.

Ryan glared at her. "I'm here to see what happened to your daughter."

She was about to say something when Kirsten and Sandy Cohen ran into the room.

"Julie, oh my God, we came as soon as we heard." Kirsten said, following her gaze. She laid eyes upon Ryan and Seth. Her hands flew to her mouth. Ryan slapped Seth.

"What?" he asked as he opened his eyes. Ryan pointed. Seth looked.

"Mom?" he said at the same time she screamed his name.

She ran at them both and held them in an awkward embrace. Ryan smiled at Seth.

"Okay, so this isn't exactly the surprise greeting I'd had in mind, but it's good enough!"

"What are you doing here?" asked Sandy. Ryan's face fell.

"Um, well Theresa lost the baby and told me to go home." Sandy and Kirsten looked at each other. By this time Summer had gotten up and was gripping onto Seth's hand.

Kirsten hugged Ryan. By now, Caleb and Marissa's dad Jimmy had joined them.

"I'm so sorry Ryan." Kirsten said. Ryan just shrugged and smiled.

Just then, a doctor walked into the crowded waiting area. Raising his eyebrows at the crowd, he cleared his throat.

"I assume you are all here for Marissa?"

"Yes," there was a collective sigh of agreement.

"Well, she is going to pull through. She has a few broken bones, but other than that she's fine. In fact, someone could in one at a time. She's awake now."

There was a slight murmur in the crowd. Julie cleared her throat. Ryan looked at her with absolute hatred as Kirsten squeezed his hand.

"I think, as her mother, I should be the one to go see her." Julie looked around and smiled victoriously at Ryan, something everyone saw. She turned to walk back into the room when Caleb stopped her.

"Let the boy see her first, Julie." He said. She raised an eyebrow and was about to yell when he stopped her. Caleb looked at Ryan and nodded. Kirsten looked on at amazement at her father. Ryan stood up slowly and avoided any glance with Julie. He walked back with the doctor to her room. He opened the door slowly and peeked inside. She was facing away from the door and he could hear her sigh.

"I figured they would let you in first Mom," she said as she rolled over slowly. She then gasped as she saw who was actually standing at the door.


	3. Home Isn't Home

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I still sadly don't own the O.C.

Chapter Three: Home Isn't Home

She was beautiful, even with the scratches over her face. Her long dark blonde hair fell over her face in an almost seductive way, almost blocking out her striking blue eyes. He sighed as he watched her eyes light up in surprise.

"Ryan?"

"Hey Marissa."

"Oh, my God! What are you doing here?" she began to sit up.

"No, don't sit up," he walked over to her and pulled a chair near her. He smiled at her.

"So what are you doing here? Is everything with Theresa okay?" Ryan was amazed at how she could care so much about him when she was the one lying in the hospital bed.

"Um, well, actually no. She lost the baby." Marissa cast her eyes down.

"Ryan, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I came here to see how you were, not to talk about my problems." He laughed lightly, but Marissa could tell his heart wasn't in it. She couldn't help herself as she watched him; she was fallingfor Ryan all over again. The way he looked at her, the way he smiled, his eyes... she couldn't stop herself from getting lost in them all over again. What she didn't know was that he was getting lost in hers.

"You know, I'm getting kind of tiredofonly being able to see you when we're in the hospital," Marissa said, scooting closer to him.

Just then, ruining the perfect moment, the doctor walked in. "I'm sorry Ryan but it's time for you to leave."

"Wait," Marissa said. "Could he stay with me? I think I could rest better with him here." The doctor thought about it.

"All right. But you have to leave in the morning. And I want you to get some rest okay?" Marissa nodded and smiled at Ryan when the doctor left.

He looked at her. "Why did you do that?"

She smiled. "So I could do this." She wrapped her weak arms around his neck and kissed him softly. That was all it took for both of them to plummet back into that thing called love. A small knock at the door made them pull back from their embrace.

"Hey Coop. How are you feeling?" Summer said, rushing over to her asSeth walked in behind her.

"I'm okay. What are you doing here?"

"The doctor said we could all stay here tonight." Marissa smiled as she took Ryan's hand, following Summer's display with Seth.

"That's cool. I guess it could be like old times." She said, smiling. Ryan looked at Seth who mouthed the word "YES" to him. He shook his head and smiled. Seth plopped down on the couch and Summer lay down next to him.

"Hey, who says you get the couch?" Ryan said, getting up and playfully punching Seth in the arm.

"Well, considering I got here first, I think I should get the couch."

"Watch it Cohen. I can still kick your ass." Ryan laughed as he said this while Seth kicked him in the shins.

"Shut up you two. Or I'll kick both your asses." Summer said, drifting off to sleep on Seth's chest. Ryan held up his hands and walked back to his chair. He sat down and watched as Seth tried to mouth something to him.

"What?" he mouthed back. Then Seth added hand gestures to the mix, leaving Ryan completely confused until Summer broke the silence.

"Ryan, he's telling you to get into bed with Marissa." Summer always had a nice way of putting things. He looked over at Marissa who was smiling to herself. She looked at Ryan and mischievously slid over in the hospital bed. He grinned at her, a rare thing for Ryan Atwood, and slid next to her, but not before giving her all of the blankets. She lay facing him on her side and he did the same. He slid closer to her and brought her head onto his broad chest, copying Seth. He looked over at him and he, in his usual geeky way, gave him a thumbs up.

Ryan woke up in the middle of the night with a small pressure on his chest. He blinked his eyes a few times and then smiled when he noticed the source of the pressure. During the night, Marissa had tilted her head up so that she was facing him. He smiled again and softly ran his fingers over her face, her cheekbones, her lips. Lips he wanted so badly to kiss again. Ryan leaned his head down and put his lips to hers, softly. She stirred a little in her sleep and tucked her head under Ryan's chin. He rested his head on top of hers and fell asleep again.

"Julie, that's absolutely insane! She's your _daughter_ for Chrissakes."

"I know, Kirsten, but till you know how our relationship is. And now with Ryan back, I just don't see the point in her coming back homeso soon. So why can't you just let Marissa stay with you. Just for a few days. Please Kirsten." Julie Cooper put on her best begging face. Kirsten Cohen wanted to slap that pleading look right off of her face. She sighed deeply.

"All right, she can stay with us."

Julie's eyes lit up. "Oh thank you Kirsten. Oh, what would I do without you?" She stood up, but not before kissing Kirsten on the cheek, and then walked off to findCaleb.

Kirsten felt a hand run across her back. "So," she heard Sandy say, "which one of us is telling Marissa?" She turned and glared at him playfully.

A/N I'm so sorry it was so short. The next one will be longer I promise. :-)


	4. Tonight

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C. or anything affiliated with it. :-(

Chapter Four: Tonight

Kirsten and Sandy opened the door to find Summer and Marissa sitting on the bed, crying.

"What's wrong?" Kirsten asked, running over to them, fearing the worst. Marissa and Summer looked at her and pointed at the TV in the corner. Kirsten looked and saw Saturday morning soaps. She sighed and laughed to herself.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Much better," Marissa said, sniffling. "Actually," she said, wiping her face, "the doctors all say that I can go home today."

Kirsten and Sandy exchanged glances. Marissa had seen that look before.

"What's wrong?" she asked, the soap suddenly out of her mind.

"Nothing," Sandy said. "It's just, home is what we wanted to talk to you about." Just then, the door opened with Ryan and Seth coming from their coffee break. They noticed the grim looks on everyone's faces.

"Who died?" Seth asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"No one died, Seth. We're just trying to tell Marissa that her mom wanted her to stay with us for a while." Kirsten said, watching Marissa. Her face brightened.

"That's perfect! That's much better news than I thought it would be." Marissa was beaming now. Seth and Ryan looked at each other.

Kirsten breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay," said Sandy. "Well, then, I guess you'll stay in the pool house. Ryan, you can sleep in Seth's room for awhile, can't you?"

"Sure," he said, dazed. "And, since it's Christmas break," added Sandy, "no getting up early."

Seth looked at the floor. "I guess it hasn't been Christmas break since September, huh?" Kirsten looked at him. "No, Seth. But, don't worry. I've arranged everything with Dr. Kim. You'll be back in school. And you're never leaving the house again, by the way." Ryan smirked at him. Seth looked at his hands sheepishly. Then he brightened as he turned away, mumbling something about Chrismukkah.

Over the next hour, Ryan, Seth, and Summer helped Marissa get ready for her return home. Or at least for her return to her temporary home. Kirsten and Sandy were busy checking her out of the hospital. They finally checked her out and were on their way to the car.

"Hey Ryan," Sandy called, tossing him the keys. "Why don't you take everybody home? Me and Kirsten are gonna head over to the office."

"Okay," he said in his trademark low voice. He watched as Seth and Summer helped Marissa into the front seat and then settled themselves into the back. He shook his head as he climbed into the front seat of the car that he had been driving when he had seen Marissa almost dead. And now here she was, only three days later, sitting next to him as if nothing had ever happened. She looked over at him and noticed he was staring at her. He dropped his head and started the car, pretending he hadn't seen the same thing he was feeling in Marissa's eyes.

"Cohen, get away!" Summer yelped as she ran into the pool house, trying to get away from Seth who was trying to throw her in the pool. Ryan and Marissa looked up in surprise as she fell on the bed, Seth jumping on top of her.

"Couldn't you two just get a room?" Ryan asked. Marissa just laughed, which made Ryan very happy.

"Yes, actually we could. Come on, Summer. Let's leave these two lovebirds alone."

"Where are we going?"

"To my room, of course."

"Good choice, Cohen. Night Coop. Night Chino." It wouldn't matter how long Ryan would live in Newport, Summer Roberts would always refer to him as Chino.

'Night," they said in unison. Seth was practically dragging Summer out and waved a goodbye.

Marissa shifted her weight on the bed and cleared her throat.

"So, you, never told me, what really brought you back here?"

Ryan looked up at her. He sighed. "Well, I went to go see Seth last week to talk to him about going home. Him going home. I was there for awhile, at Luke's."

"Luke's? I thought he went to Tahiti."

Ryan laughed. "Yeah, that was the plan. But Seth got hungry. And Seth got cold and lonely and thank God Luke lives in Portland. So anyway, I went there and Theresa called me. I figured it was her bitching about me missing her doctor's appointment, but instead she told me that she lost the baby. They couldn't find a heartbeat. So, she told me to go home. And don't bother coming back. So I told Seth and you know the rest."

He hung his head after this speech. Marissa tilted his head up and kissed him. He put his hands on the sides of her face and pulled her close to him. She opened her mouth slightly and glided her tongue around Ryan's lower lip. She felt him shiver and moved closer to him. He went around her tongue with his and moved his hands down to her neck. Suddenly, without warning, he pulled back.

"I should probably be getting back," he said, getting up and walking toward the door.

"Ryan," Marissa said softly. He turned to her. "Do you have any idea what Seth and Summer are doing?"

He thought about it for a second. "Yeah, yeah I think I have a slight idea."

She smiled. "Couldn't you stay here for awhile?"

He looked at her and smirked. "Okay."

"Good," she said. "Cause I have a favor to ask."


	5. I Want You, I Need You

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C.

Chapter Five: I Want You, I Need You

Ryan gulped. Marissa smiled mischievously at him.

"What?"

"Well, I hate hospital beds because, no matter how hard you try, you can never get comfortable. And when you finally do fall asleep, you wake up and your back is killing you. So, getting my information from Seth, which I really don't wanna know how he knows this, but he says that you give excellent back massages."

Ryan held back the urge to rip all of her clothes off as he heard her say this. He ran a hand through his hair.

"You want me to give you a massage?" he said, his voice rising with each word.

She nodded. Ryan sighed deeply and walked over to her. She turned onto her stomach and put her head on a pillow. Ryan untwisted the tie on her halter-top and slowly slipped it over her head. He ran a finger down her back and then two and then put his hands on her shoulders and began to push down with amazing agility. Marissa closed her eyes as Ryan ran his hands down her back softly, letting his fingers caress her shoulder blades. He trailed his fingers lower and then brought them back up. He noticed that Marissa's breathing had slowed. He grinned and then took two of his fingers and placed them at the top of her neck, below the hairline. Ryan then proceeded to run them softly over the entire length of her spinal cord. Marissa let out a shaky breath. Ryan leaned down to her ear, his lips tickling her earlobe.

"Better?" he asked, his breath warm on her face. She couldn't speak; she could only nod in agreement. He smiled and then began to kiss down her back and on to her neck. He ran a hand over her side as he kissed the middle of her back. He was about to go lower when Marissa quickly flipped over so she was facing him. He fell on top of her, gasping and wondering what the hell she was doing.

"Ryan," she said huskily. His eyes widened when she said it. She looked up at him with her huge blue eyes. He wiped a strand of hair from her face and kissed her softly. He pulled back and stared at her with those intense sapphires that he called eyes. Suddenly, Marissa lost all control of her body movement. She reached down and lifted up the back of his wifebeater, pulling it roughly over his head. She gasped as she looked at him. It wasn't like she hadn't seen him without his shirt before; just not with him on top of her. Ryan ran his hand slowly down the middle of her chest and stopped at the top of her skirt. He casually slipped two fingers underneath the band and in one quick movement he left her in only a pair of boy-cut underwear and her black flats. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him, her tongue brushing against the tip of his. His hands roamed over her as she ran hers through his sandy blonde tufts of hair. She gasped as he moved his lips from hers and began kissing down her neck. She laughed suddenly, making him stop.

"Sorry," he said. "I forgot you were ticklish." Marissa just smiled at him and kissed him softly. Ryan leaned back and looked into her eyes.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. She looked straight into his eyes, scaring him a little bit. She moved her hands from his hair and dragged them slowly down his chest until they reached his belt buckle. She wrapped her hands around it and pulled him closer to him. She worked at the buckle until it finally came free and she slipped it off. Still looking into his eyes, she unbuttoned the button and unzipped the zipper. He swallowed hard again. Pulling slowly, she managed to free him of his jeans.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?" he said breathlessly.

She moved his head so his ear was touching her lips, as he had done to her not five minutes before.

"I want you."

He had her cute little boy-cuts off in less than a second. Marissa laughed at his quickness. He didn't care; Marissa Cooper was lying naked underneath him and right now the only thing that would have mattered would have been if someone had seen them. Marissa followed his lead and swiped off his boxers. A few seconds later, he was inside of her. She muffled a scream and gripped a pillow with her hands. Their bodies moved together as one as Ryan leaned down to kiss her. He grabbed her lips with his and suddenly let out a low moan into her mouth. He put his hands behind her and lifted Marissa into a sitting position as she breathed his name into his neck. He wrapped his arms more tightly around her as she shook subtly. She raised her head up from his neck and found herself not being able to breathe as she looked at him. He pressed his forehead to hers and kissed her.

"I missed you so much," she whispered. Ryan smiled.

"I missed you too," he whispered back. He moved over and lay down on the bed, letting her lay on his chest. After a few minutes, he felt her steady breathing and rested his head on hers.

Ryan woke up to a light touch on his chest. He thought it was just Marissa moving in her sleep, but as he blinked his eyes, he noticed she was awake and watching him. He didn't say anything; he just let her continue running her hands up and down his chest. After a few minutes, she moved her right hand lower and moved it along his hipbone. His sharp intake of breath gave Marissa the clue that she was doing the right thing.

"Marissa, we can't do it again."

"Can't we?"

Smiling she leaned down and kissed him.


	6. Don't Bother To Wake Me

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I do not own the O.C. Or at least, to your knowledge. MUWAHAHA j/k

Chapter Six: Don't Bother To Wake Me

Marissa stirred in her sleep. A blinding light had hit her in the eyes and awoken her. She grimaced as she looked towards the windows and noticed that after Ryan had left, Kirsten had taken the blinds down. She hadn't had a chance to put them back up. She ran a hand over her eyes and looked at Ryan. He was sound asleep, one hand around her waist and the other behind his head. He was facing her as he slept and she watched him, thinking about what had happened the night before. God, it had been amazing. Nothing like that time with Luke. Then she hadn't been ready, she hadn't been in love… wait. In love? She couldn't be in love. She had promised herself she would never fall in love again. Okay… maybe not ever again, but at least not back in love with Ryan. Marissa looked at him again. "But last night", she thought, "was the best night of my entire life." It had been perfect. She sighed as she rolled over to face the window and nearly screamed when she saw Seth and Summer standing in the doorway.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed as she pulled the blankets up to her neck. Ryan groaned and rolled over.

"I bet there was a lot of that going on last night, huh Coop?" Seth said laughing. Marissa threw a pillow at him.

"Yeah? Well at least I didn't do it across from my parent's bedroom."

Summer cleared her throat. "Actually, Coop, I went home last night thank you very much." Seth looked at her triumphantly.

"Oh", Marissa said. Suddenly, Seth looked up and yelled.

"What?" Marissa and Summer both looked at him like he was crazy. Seth pointed a finger at Ryan. Marissa looked over and noticed that the blanket had fallen dangerously low around Ryan's waist. Summer noticed it too and smacked him in the stomach.

"What? Nothing was showing. Besides, you have one too, and I would know," Summer said, folding her arms across her chest.

"Yes, but still. Ryan is like… he's like my amigo and nobody wants to see their amigos…" Seth trailed off. Marissa and Summer both rolled their eyes. "Besides, would you want to see Marissa naked?"

"Seth, I have seen Marissa naked." Seth's eyes nearly fell out of his head.

"I'm kidding, pervert," she said, slapping him in the chest.

"You're so abusive. Anyway, could you get dressed because my parents are sort of becoming suspicious as to why you have been out here so long and they're wondering where Ryan is. I can't keep covering for you, you know. My impressive lying skills just aren't what they used to be." Summer gave him a sidelong glance.

"Yeah, sure. Just let me wake Ryan up."

"I'm awake," Ryan said, groaning again. Seth snickered.

"Seth, shut up," Ryan said as he slowly sat up next to Marissa.

"Yeah, we're leaving now," Summer grabbed Seth by the shirt and pulled him out the door.

"Hey, it's my house too, you know," Ryan could hear Seth halfway through the backyard before the door slammed. Ryan snickered and watched as Marissa ran a hand through her mussed hair.

"God, I must look awful huh?" she asked.

"No, you look beautiful," Ryan said softly, wrapping his arms around her. She smiled and craned her neck so she could see his face. He was smiling back.


	7. Can't Get You Out Of My Head

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C. sniffle

Chapter Seven: Can't Get You Out of My Head

"So… as you know, it's only a few days before that wonderful time of year we all know as… Chrismukkah. And, ruining my festive celebration, one of happiness and joy and-"

"Seth, get to the point."

"Fine. Ruining my festive celebration is a Christmas party here. Tonight. Which is a load of crap, if I do say so myself," Seth stopped his speech by shoving a forkful of waffles into his mouth.

"Why is it a load of crap? I think it would be kind of fun, actually. We haven't had a party in months," Marissa said. Then her stomach sank as she remembered the last time they had had a party. Ryan looked at her and grasped her hand tighter underneath the table. Seth smirked at her.

"You see, Marissa, that is the main difference between me and you. Me: not so social. You: queen of social." Marissa smirked back at him and gently kicked his leg under the table.

"Ow!" he yelped.

"Oh, my God I didn't even kick you."

"I think you left a bruise."

Summer looked at Seth and sighed.

"What, she did." Seth said, his voice rising in pitch. She then turned her attention to Marissa, a panicked expression filling her tanned face.

"Coop, do you have a dress? It's a formal, right Cohen?" Seth nodded grimly, still rubbing his leg. Marissa's eyes widened.

"Oh, my God I don't. Don't tell me you don't either!" Marissa started shrieking. Summer and Marissa then simultaneously flew from their seats and ran out the door, leaving Ryan and Seth looking at each other in surprise.

"Oookay," said Seth. Ryan laughed lightly. Seth then looked at him from across the table.

"Sooo, what exactly happened between you and Marissa last night?" he asked, poking Ryan's left bicep. Ryan gave him one of his signature I'm-conveying-my-every-emotion-with-a-look looks.

"Oh, no, Mr. Atwood, don't think you're getting away with just a look this time. I want details."

Ryan looked at him and tried to change the subject.

"What's going on with Summer? I expected her to hate you."

"Yeah, me too, but I'll tell you about that later after you give poor Seth information."

Ryan rolled his eyes. Seth stuck out his bottom lip and opened his big brown eyes wider. Ryan sighed.

"Fine. Stop with the puppy eyes and shit." Seth smiled happily.

"It wasn't all that great…" Ryan started. Seth's eyes widened.

"What the hell do you mean 'it wasn't all that great'?"

Ryan rolled his eyes for the second time that morning. "I would think you would recognize sarcasm. Of course it was great. It was fucking amazing." Seth sighed with relief.

"I was about to say, I mean its Marissa Cooper we're talking about." Ryan leaned back and folded his arms across his chest.

"That's all you're gonna tell me? That it was fucking amazing?" Seth asked.

Ryan shrugged. "What else do you want me to say? I mean, you really don't wanna know all the inner workings of Marissa Cooper do you?"

Seth made a face and shook his head. "I'll leave that to Summer."


	8. You Look Wonderful Tonight

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: still don't own the O.C.

Chapter Eight: You Look Wonderful Tonight

All breathing had ceased in Ryan Atwood's body as he stared at the figure standing in the middle of the poolhouse. He had seen Marissa in many things- hell he had even seen her naked- but never had he seen her like this. She was wearing a dark blue dress that hung right past her calves. It was strapless he could see and her long hair was swept over one shoulder so she could try to zip the back. Ryan walked forward quietly and zipped the dress for her. She turned around quickly and relaxed when she saw him. He noticed that she looked even more beautiful facing him. Her dark blue eyes were lined with the same color eyeliner and light pink lipstick played on her lips. The dark blue of the dress complimented her lightly tanned skin, as did the small diamond necklace hanging loosely around her neck. Her hair swung slightly as she turned to completely face him and it was now hanging over her shoulders, her bangs swept to the side.

"Hi, Ryan," she said.

"Wow," he breathed.

She smiled. "You think?"

All he could do was nod and kiss her softly.

The party was Newport's usual escapade. Lights were strung throughout the trees and a huge Christmas tre stood in the center of it all, it's back facingthe sea. Ryan's eyes shifted nervously as he scanned the crowd.Marissa grapsed his handmore tightly as her mother walked briskly over to her.

"Hello Marissa. Ryan"

Marissanodded and walked off, leaving Ryanalone with her mother.Julie looked athim, glaring. Ryan glared right back and walked off. He ran a hand across Marissa's back as he walked behind her.

"I hate her," she whispered softly, staring at the water hitting thesand.

"Yeah, she's not very popular with anyone right now, I don't think," he said, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't seem to work.

"Could we just get out ofhere?"Marissa asked, turning to face Ryan.He smiled with relief.

"Yeah, sure."

"You know, you're going to ruin your dress," Ryan said as he watched Marissa kick her feet in the cold water.

"I don't care."

He shook his head and walked toward her, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the water.

"Ryan..." Marissa started,butwasstopped by a kiss. She wrappedher arms around his neck and giggled softly as he fell back into the sand.Ryan put his hands oneither side of her face and pulledback from kissing and stared into her eyes. His gaze was so piercing that after a few seconds,Marissa looked away.Ryan gently put a hand onher chin and turned her toward him again.

"I love you," he whispered.


	9. And The Cycle Goes On

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I do not own the O.C. or any of its affiliates.

Chapter Nine: And The Cycle Goes On

Marissa's heart had stopped beating. She stared into his eyes as her brain processed what he had said. She wanted to tell him she loved him too so badly. She felt the words rise up on her tongue and she bit it so hard that she drew blood. Ryan looked at her, his eyes widening.

"Marissa?"

"Don't," she said as she stood up, brushing the sand off of her dress.

"Don't what?" he yelled after her as she turned and ran back up to the party.

Tears were streaming down her face.

"Don't fall in love with him again."

Ryan decided against running after her. He just stared off into the darkness, listening to the waves crash and smelling the salt in the air.

Seth had looked up from talking to Summer just as Marissa ran through the crowd of people. No one really seemed to notice her exit except for Seth and Summer, who both automatically looked down at the beach where they saw Ryan standing there completely confused.Seth looked at Summer and she nodded her head for him to go and talk toRyan.

"Are yougoing to talk to Marissa?" Seth asked as he walked toward the beach.

"I think I should probably waituntil morning." Seth nodded and walked towardRyan, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Ryanturned at the soundof someone walking but his face fell when he realizedwho it was.

"Oh, it's justyou," he said, his facefalling.

"Thanks, I love you too man," Seth said, noticingRyan cringe at his choice of words.

"You okay?" Seth asked

"Not particularly," Ryan snapped.Seth held out his hands.

"Okay, sorry."

Ryan looked at him. "No, I'm sorry. I just... I told Marissa that I loved her and she just ran off."

Seth snorted. "Really? Cause it looked like you just punched one of her boyfriends again."

Ryan glared at him."Right, so you're not in the mood for comedy. So, why don't you just go talk to her? She was probably just afraid thatyou said it. You probably just surprised her,that's all."

Ryan shrugged. "Yeah,I guess you're right."

After driving home, Ryanparked thecar and walked to the poolhouse. He opened the door and heard the soundof the shower. Hesat down on the bed and leaned his head back, hitting something hard as he didso. Rubbing theback of his head, he turned around and looked atwhat he had hit. Hiseyes widened as he saw what it was.


	10. Mirror, Mirror, Lie To Me

Title: I've Loved You Forever

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I do not own the O.C.

Chapter Ten: Mirror, Mirror, Lie To Me

Ryan heard the sound of the shower go off and he stiffened at the end of the bed. A few minutes later, Marissa walked out of the bathroom with a towel around her and almost screamed when she saw Ryan's back.

"Oh, my God, you scared me!" she said, letting out a breath. He didn't say anything. Instead, he stood up and turned around to face her, a combination of anger and sadness on his face. She looked at him closely and gasped when she saw it. An almost empty bottle of vodka dangled in his hand.

"Ryan, I can explain-" she started. His eyes narrowed. He turned around and screamed as he threw the bottle against the wall, the sound of the pieces softer than his yell. Marissa stepped back. He turned to her again, his eyes sad.

"How could you do that? I thought you told everyone that you quit."he whispered

"I did quit!" she yelled.

"Oh, what was this just here by mistake?" he yelled louder.

"No, I started when you left." Marissa started out screaming, but ended in a whisper.

Ryan cast his eyes down.

"So, this is all my fault?" he whispered. "It's my fault that you're still drinking, it's my fault that you can't love me... it's all my fault. Maybe I should just go back to Chino."

Now it was Marissa's turn to widen her eyes. "No! You can't do that!"

"Why not? It doesn't seem like many people would miss me."

"Of course they would! Seth would leave again, the Cohens would be devastated, and I..." she stopped.

"You what?" he asked, walking toward her. "You wouldn't miss me. You have your own love. And right now, it's dripping down the wall."

Ryan swung around and walked out the door, slamming it, leaving Marissa there, crying, encompassed by the cold, dark alone.


	11. Slowly Breaking

A/N I am sooo sorry for not writing for so long. I'm so glad school's over. Now I can devote all my time to writing! YAY!! Oh, and this might be a little.. graphic. Turn away if you couldn't handle the TJ episode.

Chapter Eleven: Slowly Breaking

Marissa had been sitting there for a long time, her wet hair dripping onto her shoulders, her jeans and t-shirt damp from her wet skin. The liquid on the other side of the room had almost dried, but the smell was unbearable. White streaks covered her face from where she had been crying. She ran a hand over her face and tried to block out the words that were screaming in her head. Everytime she closed her eyes she could see Ryan's face. His screaming, red face. But it wasn't anger that she had seen flash before his eyes. No. It had been fear. A nameless, faceless kind of fear, the worst kind. The fear that you had failed someone. But he had it all mixed up; he hadn't failed her, she had failed him.

"You are so stupid!" she screamed to no one in particular as she flung herself from the bed. His bed. She hated it in there. But not so much as she hated herself. This was the thought racing through her brain as she stood in front of a mirror. She pushed the hair back from her face and looked at herself.

"You are disgusting. A fucking nasty spoiled bitch. That's allyou ever care about. Yourself."Marissa stood there, throwing insults at her reflection, not noticing that the door had opened.

Ryan pushed open his door slowly, looking around for Marissa.His eyes were red and he was ready to apologizewhen he heard something coming from the bathroom. The water had been turned on, which was strange, since Marissa had already taken a shower.

"Marissa?" he called, waiting for an answer that didn't come.

"Marissa." he called, louder this time, but still to no avail. He walked up to the door and tried to open it, but found it locked. His heart began to thud.

"Marissa!"he shouted, banging on the door. "Marissa if you don't open this goddamn door I'm going to break it down!" he was screaming, scared out of his mind.

"What's goin' on?" Ryan heard a sleepy voice say. He turned around and looked at Seth, who's eyes got round.

"What's wrong?" Seth asked, suddenly becoming aware of the fact that the room smelled like alcohol and Ryan was screaming at a door.

"Marissa's locked herself in the bathroom." Ryan said dully, pounding a fist on it. Suddenly, Seth watched in horror as Ryan reared back and punched the door as hard as he could, causing it to fall off of it's hinges. Ryan ignored Seth's admiring whistle as he ran in there.

"Marissa," he called, not being able to see through the steam. He reached the bathtub and almost fell in, but instead stumbled to the side and fell next to it. His heart racing, he reached in and felt a hand. Through the hot water, the hand seemed very cold. That's when his heart stopped completely.

"Seth," he yelled hoarsely, "get in here!" Ever-obedient Seth ran in and gasped at what he saw. Ryan was sitting there with Marissa's head in his hands, not being able to pull her out of the water. For a guy who had just punched open a door, this seemed like a pretty easy task until Seth noticed that Ryan was turning white. He ran to the floor next to him and grabbed Marissa out of the bathtub, relieved that she had clothes on. He wasn't relieved, however, when Ryan started giving her mouth-to-mouth, trying ot get the water out of her. She coughed once, much to the happiness of both of them, but still seemed very pale. It was then that Seth noticed a bottle on the counter above them.


	12. I Hate Myself For Losing You

A/N I just wanted to say THANKS to everybody who'sbeen reviewing. you guys are great. I didn't think that anyone was going to like this story at first,but you guys have made me keep writing!! Oh, and I promise to update more. Heehee sorry about that.

Chapter Twelve: I Hate Myself for Losing You

This was the second time Ryan Atwood sat next to Marissa's body in a hospital. Only, the first time, she had actually been conscious. Now, he sometimes had to put an ear next to her nose to check and make sure she was breathing. He and Seth had brought her in about an hour before and had watched in horror as they pumped her stomach-oh wasn't _that _a pretty picture- and then were shooed off into a waiting room. Also, unlike before, no one else had been there except Ryan and Seth, sitting next to each other in those uncomfortable chairs, pretending to read magazines. He knew Seth was pretending because he had picked up a copy of _Seventeen_ and began flipping through it. Ryan had shaken his head and leaned back against the hard back of the chair. His leg shook, as did Seth's and Seth brought his right thumbnail up to his mouth in the most unattractive way and began chewing on it.

"That's gross, Seth," Ryan had said, trying to make a joke. Seth threw him a sidelong glance and continued biting his nail. "You do realize that you're reading _Seventeen, _don't you?" Seth just shrugged, making Ryan a tad bit nervous as to why his talkative friend wasn't talking.

"Seth, it's okay." Seth looked at him. Ryan nodded as if to prove his point.

Seth sighed. "It's just... she's put you through so much. And... I hate that she keeps doing it to you." Ryan smiled at him and patted him on the back. "And it really bothers me that you think it's your fault," he whispered this last line, making Ryan cast his eyes down. Seth looked at him.

"It's not your fault, Ryan."

"If I wouldn't have left, this never would have happened."

Seth sighed and ran ahand through his curly brown hair. "Look, you had to leave because you had to leave.Even _I _got over that."

Ryan snickered. "Yeah, because I came back."

Seth rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I just think if she couldn't handle it, then maybe she doesn't deserve you. You don't have to take her shit, Ryan." Seth flinched after he had said this, ashe figured Ryan was either going to punch him or yell at him. Instead, Ryan just sighed and copied Seth's earlier movement of running his hand through his own hair.

"I know," he said quietly. "It's just... I think that I actually love her and I don't want anything to happen to her." Ryan looked at Seth with such sorrow in his eyes that he could do nothing but pull him into a hug. Ryan felt surprised, but patted his hands on Seth's back.

"Sorry. You just looked so sad." Seth pulled back and gave him a small smile. Ryan punched him in the shoulder. "You don't have to take my shit, Seth."

Seth gave hima mock confused look. "Of course I do. Who else would?"

Ryan looked at him and feigned being hurt. "That's nice Seth. A real sentimental streak you got there." Seth just shrugged and laughed. Then the nurse had come in and told them that Marissa could have one vistor. Which was exactly why Ryan was now sitting across from her, watching her breathe, looking at her pale skin. He reached out and moved a piece of hair from her face and sighed.

"That's nice Cohen. My best friend almost kills herself-again- and you're sleeping," Summer said quietly to herself as she kicked Seth in the foot. Seth woke up with a jump and looked blindly around the room, his eyes focusing on Summer- actually they focused more on Summer's low-cut top.

"Well hello there, Summer. That's very nice attire to wear to a hospital," Seth said this jokingly, but his smile vanished when he saw the red streaks down her face.

"Oh, baby, come here," he said softly. Summer walked to him and sat in the chair that had been occupied by Ryan. She rested her head on his shoulder and let him stroke her hair as she let the tears fall again. Ryan had called her earlier with the bad news and she couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. She, along with everyone else, had thought Marissa was getting better. Obviously, she wasn't. That was when she wondered about Ryan.

"How is he," she asked, lifting her tear-stained face up to look at Seth. Seth softly ran the pad of his thumb across her cheek.

"He's alright, I guess. He thinks it's his fault." Summer's heart broke when she heard this.

"Is he in there with her?" she asked, an idea forming in her head.

"Yeah. But the nurse Nazi said there could only be one per room." Summer looked at him with a wry smile. "Have I ever let a nurse Nazi keep me from something?" Seth considered it. "No, Summer, no you haven't." She laughed lightly and stood up slowly. "I think I'm going to go have a little talk with Mr. Atwood," she said and walked to the nurses desk to find out what room Marissa was in.


	13. Beautiful Disaster

Chapter Thirteen: Beautiful Disaster

Ryan felt the small touch on his shoulder and jumped a little. He looked up, expecting to see a doctor or a nurse and was utterly surprised to see that Summer was the owner of that hand. She looked at him with a small smile playing on her lips. He could only smile grimly back as he turned back to Marissa's sleeping form.

"I think I should be alone right now," he said thickly. Summer could tell that he was on the verge of tears.

"Oh, Ryan," Summer whispered, pulling a chair next to his and placing a hand on his knee.

"Ryan look at me." His dull eyes wouldn't leave Marissa.

"Ryan, _look_ at me," Summer said this a little more strongly and placed her hands underneath his chin, turning him toward her. The look in his eyes scared her, almost as badly as it had scared Seth, and, just like Seth, she pulled him into a hug. This time, Ryan didn't hold back and fell into her embrace. As she stroked his hair, he let out a choked back sob. Summer smiled slightly.

"Ryan, it's okay. Your secret's safe with me." With that, Ryan let it all out, tears draining out of his eyes, staining Summer's pretty blue shirt. Strong, selfless Ryan-he wasn't supposed to cry. Summer was a little surprised at this-she hadn't expected it. But then again, she hadn't known what to expect when she walked through those doors. Ryan shook against her and she noticed his crying was slowing. He pulled back slowly and looked up at her, giving her another look that almost broke her heart. His eyes, such a bottomless blue, were puffy and rimmed with red. His face was a patchy red and white color and his hair was mussed around his face. His eyes, Summer also noticed, had lost their luster. Now, they were just a dull bluish gray, much like Marissa's had been when they had found her. Summer smiled slightly and ran her hand across Ryan's face. She could see why Marissa loved him so much, which was why she was having a hard time comprehending that fact that Coop had turned away from Ryan. Summer leaned in and kissed his cheek softly.

"Better?" she asked, looking at him and mustering up the best smile she could. He nodded.

"Actually, I feel pretty stupid." Summer laughed. "Don't feel stupid- I promise I won't tell anyone."

"And I promise, too," said a small voice. Both Summer and Ryan jumped and turned to Marissa. She was looking at them, smiling. This was the first time that Summer had actually _looked_ at Marissa and she drew in a sharp breath. Marissa's hair lay in a stringy mess around her face, her eyes dull, her complexion pallid. If Summer hadn't been on the beach with her all those times, she could have sworn Marissa hadn't spent a day in the sun what with the pale color of her skin and the dullness of her hair.

"Coop," she said softly and walked over to her, manuevering herself so she could hug her. Marissa put an arm around her and patted her shoulder, grimacing as she did so. She then looked over at Ryan and her face fell. Summer saw that look and turned to the door.

"If you need me, just call," Summer said as she walked out the door, shutting it with a firm _click_ and making the awkwardness level in the room exceed known proportions. Both Marissa and Ryan shifted uncomfortably, avoiding each others eyes and trying their best to ignore the nagging question dancing in their heads. Neither of them could, and Ryan first broke the silence.

"Why did you do it?" It was a question that hung in the air, like a pesky bug that wouldn't go away. "And don't give me that 'I needed to escape' shit". Ryan was astounded at the ferocity of the words coming out of his mouth, but he couldn't stop his anger. Marissa looked at him, surprised.

"Ryan... I just... I don't know."

Ryan laughed. It was a sick sound and it scared Marissa. "You don't _know_? How do you not know?" His voice was raising.

"I'm sorry," she started, but was cut off again.

"You're sorry?! I told you I loved you, I fucking _love _you, Marissa and you ran away and tried to kill yourself! How do you think that makes me feel? God, Marissa, I've loved you forever!" He was screaming now and at the end of his tirade, Ryan slammed his back against the wall and slid down it. He buried his head in his hands and, for the second time that day, he began to cry. Hot tears poured down his face and sobs racked his body. Marissa's heart broke as she watched him. She was crying herself; after all, it was her fault that he was over there against the wall. Much against her doctor's wishes, she moved and tried to get up to go to him. Ryan had lifted his head up by then, startled by the noise. His heart began to pound when he saw what she was doing.

"Marissa, don't get up. It's okay. I just...overreacted." he said, his voice muffled and choked because of the tears. She pretended not to hear and stood up from her bed slowly. She turned toward Ryan, who was now looking at her with huge eyes.

"Marissa..." he began. She tried to smile at him, but her tears clouded her vision. Suddenly, the room began to spin and her head felt heavy. She then began to fall toward the floor and not back to her bed.

"MARISSA!" Ryan screamed her name and ran to her. He caught her in his arms, his heart in his throat.

"Oh, my God, don't do that," he whispered. Marissa looked into his deep blue eyes as he set her back on her bed and when he tried to straighten back up, she grabbed his shirt and put and arm around his neck, pulling him to her and kissing him. Ryan's head began to spin, but he kissed her back just the same.

"I love you, Ryan. I love you so much. You scared me and I didn't think I could take it if anyone hurt me again but I don't care. Oh, God Ryan I love you more than anything in this world," Marissa stared up at him, watching his reaction. His eyes were wide and he softly brushed a strand of hair from her face. He set his knee on her bed and kissed her again.

"And I'm so sorry, Ryan. I didn't want to kill myself. When you left, I knew I couldn't be without you at all and I just-" she was rambling on, much like Seth, but Ryan put a finger on her lips.

"Shh, baby. It's okay. I know. I promise I won't ever leave you again," Ryan looked at her with so much concern and with so much love that she pulled him down and kissed him again.

"I love you Ryan," she whispered when she had pulled back.

He smiled, the words he had waited for finally coming back.

"I love you, too."


	14. Take Me Away

Chapter Fourteen: Take Me Away

She stood there fuming, her dark red hair hanging over her shoulders, green eyes glaring at the sight in front of her.

"Get up!" she screamed, kicking Ryan in the shins and pulling him off of the hospital bed.

"Mom?" Marissa looked up, startled. Ryan was still half-asleep when Julie Cooper smacked him across the face. Then he was wide awake.

"Do you have any idea what I could do to you, Ryan? I suggest that you get out of here right now and go into the waiting room with your friends, or I swear to God that I will have you put back in juvie." She said this quietly, but with a horrible menacing tone in her voice. Ryan lowered his eyes and was about to say something when Marissa reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Ryan, go." He looked at her confused until she squeezed his hand softly. He sighed and walked out the door, shooting a death look at Julie, who only returned it.

"And as for you, young lady, would you like to tell me what the hell happened here?"

"Mom, I..." But Julie wasn't finished. She barely had time to think before the next sentence came out of her mouth.

"You know, if I didn't want to put you in an institution the first time this happened, I certainly do now!" Right after she said this, her hands flew to her mouth. Marissa's eyes were as big as saucers.

"Wh.. what?"

"Marissa, I'm sorry. Look, honey I was just mad and I..." Julie trailed off and tried to touch her hand but Marissa screamed at her.

"Don't you touch me!"

"I wouldn't do that, Julie. Don't you know what _I_ can do to you?" A strong male voice came from behind them and they both turned their heads at the same time. Caleb and Sandy, two people Marissa thought she would never see together, stood in the doorway, flanked by Seth and Ryan.

"Caleb. How... how long have you two been standing there?"

"Oh, I don't know. An hour, a minute," Sandy answered for him, the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"Sandy," Caleb said in a warning tone. Sandy rolled his eyes.

"Well, anyway, we were probably standing there for about... oh for about how long it took for you to tell Marissa that you were sending her away. And Ryan filled us in on the rest. You know, it kinda makes you look pretty stupid when you tell Kirsten and I to take care of her and then you want to send her away. Hmm... what does that tell me?"

Julie couldn't look at them. Her eyes never left the floor and only Marissa could hear her swallow nervously when Sandy said this. Marissa tried her hardest not to grin. Julie tried to think of a good comeback, but she couldn't deny what they were saying.

"You don't want me here, do you Mom?" Marissa looked at Julie with her eyes lowered, much like Ryan had done earlier.

"I... I just..." She trailed off, not able to look at her daughter straight in the eyes. "I think that it's time for me to go. Sandy. Nice seeing you." With that Julie held her head up and walked between the men at the door. They listened to her footsteps as they clicked down the hall.

"I'd better go check on my wife," said Caleb. As he followed her, Marissa grimaced and Sandy stifled a laugh. Ryan nearly ran over to Marissa and hugged her.

"Thanks for getting them, Ryan. I don't think I could have held her off on my own."

"Don't thank me. Thank Seth. He's the one who called. Apparently she's been here awhile." Seth waved his hand. "I saw her running down the hall but I couldn't do anything to stop her so I calledmy lawyer,otherwise known as my father."

"That's funny, Seth. You're a real funny man."

"Well, where do you think I get it from, father. Gee, I wonder sometimes." Marissa and Ryan listened to them bicker as they walked down the hall and laughed quietly.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked softly.

"Yeah. You're the one she slapped."

"Yeah, but she's _your_ mom."

Marissa sighed. "I know, but it just doesn't seem like she can do anything worse to me, you know? She wants to send me away, she had sex with my ex-boyfriend, and she slapped the hell out of my current boyfriend." Ryan perked up at this.

"Boy... boyfriend?" Marissa looked at him, laughter playing behind her blue eyes.

"Yeah, I thought, you know, maybe we could give that a try again.I mean, it's working for Seth and Summerso I guess it could work for us." She smiled then, looking at Ryan. Ryan then kissed her, making her fall backwards onto her pillow. She laughed as he kissed her neck and then realized what he was doing.

"Um, Ryan?"

"Yeah?" he asked, his voice muffled by her hair.

"Uh, hospital beds don't make great places for having sex."

Ryan looked at her and sat up.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't-" she cut him off as she pulled his face down close to hers.

"But the doctor's tell me I can come home soon. The poolhouse has an excellent bed."

"Oh, really, does it? I seem to have forgotten, considering I've been sleeping on an air mattress."

"Well, then we might have to change that, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess we should."

Marissa laughed and threw her arms around his neck.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love hearing you say that."


	15. The After

Chapter Fifteen: The After

"You know, I think I could just lay here with you and not ever get tired of it." Marissa leaned her head up from where it was positioned on Ryan's chest and kissed him lightly. They were laying on the poolhouse bed together, watching the pool water ripple in the wind and listening to Seth and Summer argue about something having to do with Princess Sparkles and Captain Oats. Marissa laughed as they fought. It was a cute way of fighting, one with a lot of Summer hitting Seth in the stomach and Seth making his little one-liners. And it always ended up with "make-up sex" as Summer liked to say.

"What's so funny?" Ryan asked, stroking her hair.

"Those two," she said, snuggling closer to Ryan. He smiled and then remembered something.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot to show you this. The hospital found it in your jeans pocket." He pulled something out of his back pocket and Marissa gasped when she saw what it was. It was the picture she had been looking at the night of the accident. In it was the two of them, posing for a picture a Julie and Caleb's wedding. It had been the last picture taken before Ryan had left.

"Thanks," she said quietly, taking the picture and staring at it. Ryan saw the look in her eyes and knew what she was thinking.

"Marissa, I'm not going anywhere." She looked at him with such a grateful look on her face that he had to kiss her.

"Um, sorry to interrupt your little looove fest here, but we have a problem," Seth stood in the doorway.

"What now Seth? Can you not knock?"

"No, I can't. I am physically unable to knock. It's in the gene pool.But we have bigger problems. Summer just threw Captain Oats in the pool."

Seth waited for the stunned reaction, but Ryan and Marissa just stared at him.

"What? You may think I'm crazy- but, what if he can't swim?"

"He floats, you dumbass," Summer called, walking over to them with a dripping Captain Oats in hand. Ryan just rolled his eyes and Marissa burst out laughing as Summer plopped on the bed next to her.

"Scoot over, Chino. I have to make room for the pansy over there."

"Hey, don't call me a pansy, woman. I am as manly as they get." To prove his point, Seth sat down and pulled down his t-shirt.

"Yes, Seth. We all know you have no chest hair, but you don't have to flaunt it," Ryan said this, causing Summer and Marissa to laugh and Seth to smack him across the head.

"Nice, Cohen. I think Ryan has been slapped enough this week," Summer said.

"Yeah, and I think Julie slapped me harder." This caused another outroar of laughter, and this time, even Seth joined in. Summer then looked at her watch and gasped between her laughter.

"Cohen, walk me to my car, I have to go. Bye Coop, Chino." Summer stood up and began to walk out the door, but Seth was still trying to dry off Captain Oats.

"Cohen!"

"All right, I'm coming slave driver."

Seth rolled his eyes at Marissa and Ryan and followed Summer out to her car.

"If I didn't know any better, I would think that she was walking him to his car."

"Yeah, that's usually how it goes."

They laughed and leaned back against the pillows. They sat there in silence for a few minutes and Ryan was about to move when he heard Marissa's light and steady breathing. She was fast asleep. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. He then realized that hewas going to be stuck in that position and made himself comfortable. Ryan leaned his head against Marissa's and in almost minutes he was asleep as well.

-THE END-

A/N: WOO!! I am finished! I hope you all like where I took it with the crazy Julie Cooper. I really would like to see her go nuts once and awhilebut I doubt it. Well, anyways, thanks for all the great reviews and I hope you liked it!! Luv yas!

planet oc ;)


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